Wide Awake

 When you are present, the world is truly alive. 

~Natalie Goldberg,
Writing Down The Bones

Sometimes life is raw and totally in your face.

The first few days of welcoming a tiny human into this world are one of those sacred times.

Life continues it's relentless march outside your windows and you are barely aware of it, sun up and sun down. Anything that isn't happening in your moment, isn't happening at all, as far as you're concerned.

This is what happened to me during the first two weeks of November. The day after I had my great idea and declared a month of disciplined writing practice. The very next morning I was on a plane.

I went to live every second completely alive, to be wide awake with my grandson as he was waking up to the world around him.

I had no idea.

Twenty minutes after Maverick James Panco took in his first breath, I held him in my arms. Life is forever changed. We are all forever changed. There is one more life on this earth with my blood flowing through his veins. The next generation is begun for us.

I'm working through the meaning of our new normal. Family. Blood. Ties that bind. All that.

And now, it's Monday November 17th. Maverick is two weeks old and I am finally able to begin to write again.

At the moment;

It's lunch time, the house smells of fresh baked chocolate cupcakes and we are eating leftover venison soup with homemade half wheat/ half white french bread rolls from dinner last night. All Lydia and Nate can think about is eating cupcakes. I tell them they have to eat their soup and bread first. They finish most of their soup and Nate comes to me and says, "I'm really, really, really stuffed," as he pokes his stomach with his finger to prove his point. I say, "OK you can be done." And He turns to Lydia and says, "Just say really, really, really, and you can be done!" This makes me smile. He thinks he has me figured out, and he's right. I continue to smile as he enjoys his chocolate cupcake with chocolate frosting all over his face and hands. I just love him. Yep, he definitely knows the secret, really, really, really.

I hope to write more soon.



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