A Mother's Plea

A picture of my morning.


I hear myself sighing "Whaaaaat?" as my name is called over and over and over, it feels endless, the amount of times 'mom' can be used before 9am on a Saturday morning. I'm tired. I slept well enough last night. It's not a physical tired, because I feel like I could walk out the door and walk for miles, and miles, and miles.....not looking back. The tired I'm experiencing is in my mind. It is a weary tired, A tired of..........

And my son comes running in the house, "Mama!! Mama!! Mama!!" All the way from outside I hear him yelling. "I caught something!! Mama!! IS IT A DRAGON FLY?!!" I caught it!!" This tired Mama sees his excitement and recognizes that of all people, I am the one he wants to share his discovery with, and rather than feeling excited with him, I acknowledge his great find with all of the excitement I can muster, and then tell him, "OK, now go play outside." My reaction to him is an alarm sounding in my heart, this mama needs a break from her life.

I heard myself telling my 9, 7 and 4 year olds this morning, "OK, put the Monopoly game in my room, and the next thing you argue about, I'm taking that too, and if there is nothing to take I will do something to make you as miserable and unhappy as I am every time I hear you argue!"

Standing in the kitchen, staring at a mountain of dishes with dinner dried hard on them, I put my headphones on and begin to do what I DO NOT WANT TO DO. "Mama....Mom..... Mooooommm....." I pluck one ear phone out of my ear. "Mooommm..!!! Moommm!!" and then a bunch of words over and over. For the millionth time I say, "I can't understand you, you need to be in the room I am in before you start talking to me." And the imminent question is, "Can I break open rocks with a hammer?....please?" I think for a minute, and cautiously find nothing too dangerous about this and nod yes, with an added, "Be careful!" Off he runs, does he even know how to walk? I wonder. The tension begins to overwhelm me and I cry out to God. "Lord! Help me! Give me a heart of kindness and love, I don't have it within me today. I need you."

And I feel like a rock, hard and breaking with each blow of the hammer. He is chiseling my hardness, He is showing me how much I need Him, sure, I could use a break, but sometimes taking a break isn't an option, sometimes we have to keep on. I am desperate for Jesus. I look at the mountain of dishes that I have barely made a dent in, rinse my hands and walk away.

Lord, please give me what I need today. I repent for...... And I long to be joyful, tender hearted, with the teaching of kindness on my lips. I am weary and tense and I need your grace. Touch me Lord, fill me with love and patience and wonder and delight. Take this pressure I feel, my burdens I give them to you, I am so thankful, these overwhelmed anxious unhappy tired weary emotions, you will bear these burdens. Thank you. In exchange you give me peace, peace of heart and mind. What joy! I don't deserve your kindness. The resources of Heaven on my side. Amazing. Amazing love.

Thank you.

"Mooom!! Moomm!!"

You don't take the circumstances away, instead you give me a way out of the defeat. You give me victory! Love begins to flow from a pure heart, a heart purified by you. Grace like rain. Sweet grace, refreshing, energizing, pure and lovely.

"Oh, Mom? "

"Yes?"

"You need to water the garden, one of the plants is laying down."

Yes, son, I need to water the garden. Indeed.


I do plan to take some time this afternoon, when I have the opportunity, to spend some much needed alone time. I am grateful beyond words for the grace of God to see me through difficult moments, but I also realize that there are definitely times as mothers that we need to decompress and reconnect with who we are as God's creation. Motherhood is only one facet of who we are. 

Love,

Renee



Comments

Unknown said…
I love this Renee, hang in there! I am not a mom, but there are definitely times in all of our lives when we have to pray for that joyful, grateful heart.

Renee Pierce said…
Thanks Tiff. I hope you're well these days. If you ever want an Alaska vacation, you've got a place to stay with us. :-)

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