Not Finished Yet

I have NEVER verbally, loudly, argued with my husband in public, until last week. I actually walked out of Home Depot with tears filling my angry eyes. We have been remodeling our house for four years. And the house before that, took about ten years to finish. 

I am just done.

Huge stacks of tile take up most of the front entry, several pieces of plywood are leaning against the wall in front of Hannah's bedroom door, so that you can barely get into her room. And there is more tile stacked in the family room, along with totes of painting tools and plumbing tools and one corner is piled high with buckets of grout and yellow sponges. There are two big wooden saw horses taking up a third of the family room, a big saw in the front entry and piles of wood flooring waiting to be installed. Oh, and at least 30 cans of paint, primer and stain scattered in various rooms. And a ping-pong table taking up half of the library. Why do we need a ping-pong table? I have tried so hard to get rid of that thing. It is stacked on top and underneath with totes of tools and more STUFF. We installed the two sliding glass doors, but don't open them, or you'll fall to your death as you try to step onto the someday deck.

This week we have no kitchen sink. For the hundredth time this year we are doing the dishes in my bathtub. When the children complain about washing dishes in the bathtub, I remind them that they could be chipping ice from a frozen river and heating it on a wood stove. In reality, I know it isn't really that bad, but I am an American and I can't help it.

And don't get me started on the yard.

I'm telling you, I AM AT THE END. All together we have been remodeling our house for 15 years, and nine babies. My mantra this week is "It is OK. It's OHHHH KAAAAY. We will get through this. I am NOT going to be upset. It's OK. LORD JESUS, pleeeeeeeaaaaaassssse help me."

So, we were in Home Depot and I yelled.

I remember saying something like, "Some marriages don't survive one remodel!" And something else about not being able to work with him anymore. I was so frustrated and tired of having to agree and compromise. I yelled something like, "YOU ARE MY CONTRACTOR, YOU WORK FOR ME!! You wouldn't treat your clients like this!" The more I let go of my feelings, the more enraged and unreasonable I became. Until I finally just stormed out of the store.

This remodel is forcing the garbage hidden deep inside my heart to the surface where God and I can deal with it. He is using my husband and my expectations to show me how selfish I am.

My relationship with my husband is often the greatest test, the hottest fire to burn out the dross still in my heart.

One thing I have learned, doing life God's way is really the only way to be truly happy and content. So, in the end I apologized for my ridiculous behavior. My godly husband just laughed, and said what are you talking about? He is so patient with me. After all, I think the remodel was my idea.

Where would I be without God? Without His Word and His guidance? Probably divorced. It is truly the joy of my heart to follow Jesus. His ways are peace and love. I know our marriage has been successful to this point because we both love Jesus and try daily to follow Him and His ways. He is the bedrock of our lives individually and thus the bedrock of our marriage. I am thankful that He understands our weaknesses and doesn't judge us for them, instead He strengthens us through them.

Thank you Jesus for a husband that loves you more than me. Thank You for a warm dry house filled with sounds of healthy, lively children. Thank You for Your love and provision for us. Please forgive my selfish heart. You're Word says that I can do all things through You. I believe You.

Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another. Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to the church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands. Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church- a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. (Ephesians 5:22-25 The Message)



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