Growing Pains

I have been leaning hard on the redemptive work of Jesus this week.

What is going on?????

I ask myself that question this morning....... I ask God ........

I am not who I want to be.

For that which I am doing I do not understand; 
for I am not practicing what I would like to do, 
but I am doing the very thing I hate! 
Romans 7:15 

For I know that nothing good dwells in me,
that is, in my flesh; 
for the wishing is present in me,
but the doing of the good is not. 
For the good that I wish, I do not do; 
but I  practice the very evil that I do not wish.
Romans 7:18-19 

For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man! 
Romans 7:22  

Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, strength, and mind.
Love your neighbor as yourself. 
Matthew 22:37-39 

To him who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin. 
James 4:17 

Wretched man that I am!
Who will set me free from the body of this death? 
Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! 
Romans 7:24-25a

I have been so thin skinned lately. It seems my husband can barely open his mouth before I am offended. What is going on??? I am finding it very hard to live a surrendered life. This man in my life makes me sooo crazy! This is not how it is supposed to be! I know there is joy and peace and love and so many great things promised to us in the abundant life. I really do want to set my affections on the things above. I really do want to love like Jesus. Why is it so hard?

God spoke to my heart this morning through a faithful sister. Her words gently encouraged me to pray. For some time now I have been hearing our Father calling to me. Whispering to my heart to take prayer more seriously. Countless times I have resolved to work harder on my prayer life. You know, the Bible does instruct us to pray at all times, to pray without ceasing. Jesus spent a lot of time in prayer. Should I, who seeks to follow Him, expect that I can live a life patterned after Him without praying??? God has been very patient with me. He is starting to prove His point, I think. 

We can't do this on good intentions. 

We NEED His power through prayer. 

Am I powerless because I am prayerless? Am I suffering from Spiritual anemia? There is power in the blood, right? My habit is to wake up, coffee in hand, Bible on lap, and look to my Father in Heaven for guidance every morning. This I know is good. Where I am lacking is staying in that frame of heart all day long. Once the day is underway and children under feet and husband in control, I have a habit of 'taking it from here Lord.'

When I feel the ebb of the day, am I glancing in the right direction? 
That is what I am talking about. That is what our Father is talking about. 
Where is our FOCUS? On Him? I have to admit, no, not all day. 

In Him we live and move and have our being. Acts 17:28

I repent..... Dear God...... Please forgive my pride filled self sufficient do it all by myself heart. To think that I can be a vessel, an instrument that You work through, in my own feeble strength. Oh God, Forgive me......My dear husband, I am so sorry. A wife living on the fumes of an already well spent prayer is much less than rejoicing with the wife of your youth. Friend, will you also forgive me? I started this blog as a response to the Lord prompting my heart to allow Him to use me to speak words of life and encouragement to His sweet daughters. Dare I speak for our Creator without first consulting Him?

I think I'm getting it.

He is so faithful to not let us go our own way. I am so thankful that He withholds grace, and disciplines us when we need it. I am so happy to be God's girl, growing up a little bit more.

Pray without ceasing
1Thessalonians 5:17

"Savior please, pilot me
When I have no more strength left to follow
Fall on my knees, pilot me"

'Pilot Me' by Josh Garrels

And you? How do you 'pray without ceasing'? Do you have any ideas for keeping focused?

With much love and grace,



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