Turning Around........again

Frustration........... bubbling, perking, steaming, 

This is what happened a couple of days ago:

 I was feeling tired and a bit 'under the weather'. I had been called on to help with our family business, outside of my home, for long periods of time, several days in a row, and consequently, I felt like I was losing my grasp on the ebb and flow of my home, and feeling disconnected with my children. Totally confused about my priorities,and really having nothing left to give. I didn't feel like singing, I really just wanted to go back to bed. You know, a 'stop the world I wanna get off' sort of day. And I began to focus on these things.

Frustration, bubbling, perking, steaming..............

Everywhere I look, a pile of clothes, a pile of papers,
coats and boots and shoes and socks and bags cluttering both entries into the house.....
both exits out.
I want out!
Tripping over legos, where did the cushions to the couch go?
And why is the door open? Where is the dog?
Dinner? into the kitchen, I know there is a counter under here somewhere, not a clean one. Where is the cheese grater, the dough cutter, the lid to this pan!!!!!!!!

Frustration........bubbling, perking, steaming.

Can you feel it???
I didn't quite explode, but I did let off some steam, and it really didn't make me feel any better, worse actually, and I went to bed......

God is so faithful, isn't He? He has promised to never leave us or forsake us. We can count on Him. He is dependable. And He is very attentive to our lives. Very attentive to our godly witness.

With all of that said, He was very faithful to rebuke me, ever so gently, still a rebuke, which I obviously needed. Sitting before Him the following morning He reaffirmed His love for me as I repented:

Oh God! 
Set me right!
Cleanse my heart!
Grant me the peace that passes all understanding
Help me to let go 
and hold on to You
Hold me
I need You!
I am desperate without You
rescue me!
I have nothing to give
give me something to give
fill me up
refresh me
The River of Living Water
break down the dam and let it flow
I have dammed up Your River with frustration and impatience
You cannot flow through discouragement
Break down the dam
open the gates
that the King of Glory may come in!
Wash me, and I shall be clean
cleanse me
make me new, Lord Jesus
the constant steady River of You in me
peace, patience,courage
Love, from a pure heart
You make me pure
You fill my sails with Your love
You are the River of Life flowing in me
No one, and nothing, can do to me, in me, through me
what You accomplish.
You make me new
You are the restorer of my heart, my mind, my soul, my strength
You give me Living Water to share with my neighbor
You forgive.

 And He reminded me of my last blog entry. hmmm........... a few quotes:

"God has been speaking to me a lot lately about my focus and my motives and living my faith practically. He is showing me that when I lean towards acting like Martha, the prevalent fruit in my life is frustration, impatience, and eventually I end up discouraged, asking myself "how did I end up here?""............and He is still speaking, still teaching......

"I think I've been getting it lately." .......... oh really???

Oh God! Help me, help us, to learn to walk every moment of every day with You, like Mary, who chose that one thing which is necessary. Read it in Luke 10:38-42...................He is faithful and a prayer answering God.

I am a slow learner. God is patient and He is teaching me. Remember Mary, same responsibilities, same chore list, too many things to do, not enough time,...... all day, focusing on Jesus.

God also led me to these verses:

For those who are righteous the way is not steep and rough
You are a God who does what is right
and You smooth out the path ahead of them.
We show our trust in You by obeying Your laws;
Our hearts desire is to glorify Your Name (Isaiah26:7-8)

And my eventual reply to God after mulling over this:

Your commandments are not grievous.
I can only obey You if You help me.
I cannot ever love You with my whole heart, soul, mind and strength 
unless You first fill me with Your Amazing Love.
You are the keeper of my heart, soul, strength and mind.
I see.
without You, 
apart from You,
I can do nothing.
I cannot obey You unless You first fill me with Your Spirit.
In my own strength it is impossible.
It is dead, dry religion 
to  follow You like a set of rules.
Like Martha.

If we try to show our trust, our love, our obedience, our anything, without first being filled with power from on High ,without first allowing God to smooth out the path ahead of us, we will find ourselves in a steep and rough place. Stuck, discouraged and in desperate need of turning around (i.e. repenting) and starting again. God must go before us.We must follow Him. 

One last bit of encouragement as I am seeing clearly right now,

This walk with God is deep water,
 Jesus is the Anchor.
Fill my soul oh God
wash me over
make me new

In all that I am doing
make me more like You

teach me Your Ways
Show me Your path
Fill me with Your Grace
and give me the strength and ability to obey

You alone are worthy for me to follow
Every other road leaves me feeling empty and hollow
Empty and dry
cracking and old

You restore my soul
You make full my soul
I am your servant, at Your service
ready to do Your will.

and a song as we go forth, I am not sure who wrote it,

Make me new, Lord Jesus
make me new
For it seems that in so many ways,
I'm not enough like You
take this weary vessel I have been
and mold me once again

In my life,
All that is good
comes from God,
Glory to God!



Tracy said…
"I think I've been getting it lately." .......... oh really???

I love that! So true in my life. Just when I think I'm getting it God shows me I really still haven't got a clue. So thankful for His grace & mercy & compassion that is new every morning!
Renee Pierce said…
Amen!!! He is so awesome, so wonderful, so patient, so merciful, so beautiful, so gracious, so wise, so gentle,
so faithful,so..........completely unlike me!

And I am very grateful for His tender loving care and total devotion to me even though I don't deserve it at all. He gives me worth and makes me feel loved. He makes me want to keep trying.

God is basically totally AMAZING!!! And I love Him.

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