The Journey

This is a picture of where I went running this morning. It is such a beautiful place. I have been coming here to meet with God for twenty years now. It never loses it's power over me. It is a place where God's majesty is displayed. I have spent many 'giving up' moments here on this very bench. Listening to God's will as it crosses my own. Giving in to Him. Taking up my cross.

Something in me has changed this year. Those things that I once thought were crosses to bear, are all gone. The loneliness of having no one to relate to, the longing for somewhere else, the trapped feeling of living on an island, all gone! As I look at this bench and I remember the many struggles it helped me to bear, I wonder, where did they go? I never felt them leave. There were no tears. There was no heart wrenching pain. They just vanished. It is as if they never were.

And as I ponder this further I am realizing that my circumstances have not changed. I am still living on an island that gets 150 inches of rain a year, far from my family. I am still a wife with a very busy husband and a mother with nine children. My church still isn't perfect, my house is still unfinished, I am still driving an unreliable car................

Since I became what my husband jokingly calls a 'real' Christian. There have been a lot of changes in me. I was talking to a dear friend the other day and she was sharing with me the difference between changing ourselves through self righteousness and when the Holy Spirit changes us. The gist of her message was that when the Holy Spirit changes us it is effortless. Yes! I can wholeheartedly say amen to that! This is it! I have been made new!

Everyone who belongs to Christ will be given new life.
1Corinthians 15:22

Are you struggling? Are there circumstances in your life that threaten to undo you everyday? I know what it's like, I can relate. Do you try to give them to God, only to discover that they are still lurking in your heart? Do you long to walk With God in a more meaningful way? I can tell you that God has that same desire for you. He wants you to trust Him.

It all culminated for me in one major decision. Complete surrender. I spent many years 'giving up'. Over and over and over.................and over. Frustration, discouragement, disillusionment, crisis, I almost left God completely. For years I lived on this roller coaster. I walked this maze. Knowing that I was found, but asking myself, where was I? Why didn't God hear me, why doesn't He take this longing from me? Why doesn't He answer my prayers? I found myself asking, "God! Where are you?" I felt like I was full of darkness, stumbling in the Light. Was I in? Yes I was redeemed, blood washed and blood bought. Jesus paid the price for this frustrated life I was living. I just couldn't let go of what I wanted.  God will not share His glory with another. He is not satisfied until He has all of us. Thank You Jesus! Why did it take me so long? I am by nature a very strong willed person, one of those people that has to learn the hard way. Well, I can honestly say that I have learned. And Yes it was hard. I regret that it took me so long to get here.

Finally, He is all that matters. I am new and renewed everyday that I go to Him. That is really the only part that I seem to play. Presenting myself and my day to Him. I am His and He is mine. I love Jesus more and more and more and probably more and more and more until the day that I see Him face to face. I wonder at that sometimes. I hear Him tell me "Love Me with all of your heart, soul, strength and mind. Then I will give you all that you need to live for Me, loving your neighbor as yourself." That is it! When we direct our heart to Him alone then He fills us with His Holy Spirit and when we are full of the Holy Spirit we can do great and amazing things for God, with God. We can begin to fulfill the ministry that only we can do, in Jesus' name.

Let go my friend! Let go! He is already holding you. The best decision you will ever make is to surrender completely to God.

This song comes to mind, 

 'The Only Hope' by Bebo Norman

I want to run, it’s my nature to runAnd I want to fight, it’s my nature to fightAnd I want to live, but you tell me to dieI have resolved that I’m much better off in your hands than mineI’m begging you to hold on tightBegging you to hold on tightBegging you to take my life from meI want a crumb, but you are a feastI want a song, but you are a symphonyI want a star, but you are a galaxyAnd I have resolved that I’m much better off in what you have for meI’m begging you to hold on tightBegging you to hold on tightBegging you to take my life from meSo tell me you won’t let goTell me you won’t let goCause you are the only hope for meTake my life from me, It’s the only hope for meAnd I’ll never want for moreI’ll never want for moreYou’re the only hope for me

Grace and peace to you,


Unknown said…
It's true. You're like a totally different person! I love you mom.
Anonymous said…
Sweet surrender! Love your post. Thanks to your Mom for turning me onto your blog!
Stacey said…
Finally, He is all that matters ---

this is beautiful. i am so glad you linked up with Write It, Girl!

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