My Story: God has a Plan for Me

The next few blog entries are going to be about me. God has impressed upon my heart a need to be real. Transparent. He says that in our weakness He is made strong. So I am gonna be me.

My story. Hmmm.... where do our stories start. I guess for me it all started with a decision, before I was born, after I was conceived. My parents, still in high school, just barely 16, made a very important decision. They chose to keep me, to let me live! I was born in 1973. The Roe vs. Wade year. I am very thankful to be here at all. I have always had this feeling that God has a plan for me.

A rocky childhood, as you can imagine when your parents are growing up right along with you. Mom and Dad didn't make it and they divorced when I was eightish. They didn't really like each other very well after that...............  I think they really loved one another deeply and didn't know what to do with their mixed up feelings. It came out in a lot of anger and confusion and hurt. I remember praying often that they would love each other and we would be a family again. Selfishness is so ugly. I must say here that divorce is selfish. Children get the worst of it, and we carry hurts and scars for a long time.

So Mom and Dad never did get back together. Dad moved to Alaska and Mom stayed in Michigan. My sister and I went back and forth. Sometimes living together, sometimes not. Mom worked a lot and Dad was wrapped up in his own life. I know I am not alone here. I see lots of children living through a very similar childhood all around me. I have a very tender place in my heart for them.

Adolescence came.....

........and I left

My teenage years were spent in total rebellion to anything that even resembled authority. I really didn't care and couldn't see past the day I was living in. Deep down I always had this feeling though that God had a plan for me. It would surface at times but I really didn't know how to begin to change my life. To be honest, I loved my life and my friends and our irresponsible lifestyle. I didn't want to change. I can see this now as the Holy Spirit calling me, wooing me. And I know that God is no respecter of persons. So I am quite sure that we all, every person that God creates in His image, and that's all of us, humanity, experience these times of knowing.

I spent a summer with my Dad and Step Mother. They had started going to church and were really excited about it. At this point most of what I knew about God came from the Catholic Church, of which we were excommunicated from because of my parents divorce. And Jimmy Swaggart on T.V. My Mom and Step Dad would sometimes make us watch Jimmy on Sundays. I don't think I paid attention because I barely remember it. During that summer with my Dad, my sister and I made our way to the altar and prayed the 'sinners prayer'. It was a good summer..... It didn't stick though.

I was back to my old self rather quickly. Worse than ever actually. In trouble with the law, stole things from my mother and pawned them for money to run away from home. I left home in the middle of the night with a boyfriend. From there it just got worse and worse. I found myself living out of a van following a music group all over the United States. Eating out of dumpsters and doing drugs. As I write this, I just can't believe that was me! I truly am a new creation, old things are passed away, I have been born again. I am not who I was. Amen!!!

In the midst of all of this, I met my husband. I remember telling a good friend at the time, "He's nice and all ,but it's not like I am going to marry him.".....!!!!    Hahahaha.   I will try to come back to this later because there is a key to my walk with God here.

Anyway, we continued this rebellious lifestyle, he a rebellious mormon boy and me a girl trying to find her way. Eventually we had a child and then 3 months later got married. God began to reach me through my daughter. Slowly I began to feel a need in my heart. It grew and with the birth of our second daughter I began to change. Shortly after my second daughter's birth I dropped to my knees and surrendered my heart to God. Oh the refreshing rain of the Holy Spirit!!

I still marvel at the Grace of God. How He could find value in me? Jesus died for me? How could He? I am so unlike Him. And I have spent much of my Christian walk trying to make myself worthy to Him. Trouble is, I'm not. Never will be.

Next time, I would like to share the journey from my conversion to now. I share this with you for a couple of reasons. First, I think you should see what God has done for me. Where I am coming from. I am not who I am today by anything other than the mercy of God. And remember, It says over and over in His Word that He is no respecter of persons. He doesn't have favorites. We are all equal at the foot of the cross, no matter how we get there. Second, I want to be useful to Jesus. And this blog is one way that I am getting out of the boat. I am walking on the water here. Faith. I believe Jesus has given me the gift of encouragement, ( He has given us all gifts, did you know that? ) and the purpose of these spiritual gifts is to bring Glory to Him and to  edify His body, you, the church. They are also a display of His supernatural power to the whole world, those who believe and those who don't. There is one thing that you could do for me, if I am in fact being used in the gift of encouragement, than you should be encouraged when you read my blog. Please let me know.  At this point, I could be wrong. It is my intention to be useful to Jesus, so if this isn't where He can use me the most effectively, than I would like to know so that I can concentrate my efforts elsewhere. make sense?

Glory be to God, in my life and yours,

renee



Comments

Anonymous said…
Thanks, Renee. You encouraged me!

Ryan
Tracy said…
Renee,
Your story is so much like mine & different at the same time. I enjoy so much reading what God has placed on your heart. I am learning by it and certainly am encouraged by it as well. Keep writing & I'll keep reading!
Tracy

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